It’s morning time. Peter is watching a new favorite cartoon (“Johnny Test”). I’m puttering around as I’m wont to do in the mornings. At some point, like every morning dad, I need to… ummmm… well in our house we call it “Sudoku” given that I’m sometimes prone to do a puzzle or two while taking care of business. As today is no exception, I scoot over to the bathroom and sit down (puzzle-less) and…
There’s no toilet paper. Crap. Literally and figuratively, crap.
Now, as a parent, I have no shame in eventually shuffling upstairs naked at 6:30 in the morning to the other bathroom and enduring whatever ignominy is associated with being one of the Unwiped. But, as a parent, c’mon, I deal with enough crap — again, literally and figuratively — that I don’t think I need to add this to my repertoire.
From the den, I hear, “Daaaaaddy…. Johnny Test i’ dunnnnnnn… I need help! I wanna p’ay da Batman Wii game…”
“Peter! I need some help, Peter! Can you come help me?”
An eager response: “You need da help Daddy? I come help you!”
Enter Peter, and a plastic grasshopper toy which he is all too anxious to show me. After agreeing that it’s a lovely pet, I tell him I have a problem: I have no toilet paper. He looks over at the empty toilet paper holder to get some for me, then realizes my predicament. “Peter, can youuuuuu… can you go upstairs and get toilet paper from the upstairs bathroom for me?”
“Sure!” He trots off, initially in the wrong direction, then corrects himself and heads upstairs.
At this point I realize that, given the spare toilet paper is up on a shelf he can’t reach, there are 3 likely possibilities:
a) He gets distracted and never returns
b) He comes back with one tiny square of toilet paper. Maybe that’s enough to get me started.
c) He comes back with a trail of toilet paper from the upstairs bathroom, all the way down the stairs, and hands it to me.
Deciding that option c) is still better than the naked run upstairs, I wait.
Peter returns. “Here you go, Daddy!” Bless his soul! He has almost exactly the right amount of toilet paper, that he’s pulled and torn off the roll. The boy still won’t pee or poop in the potty, but understands the vagaries of toilet paper consumption. Hallelujah!
So, reason #42 to have a preschooler — morning toilet paper retrieval.